Mick's Story - Hope after Homelessness

Hi all readers, I have been asked to put pen to paper to tell you a bit about myself where I have come from and where my life now stands in today.  My name is Mick and i was born in Staffordshire in 1971.  I want people to know my life was that of trauma, rejection, isolation and bad behaviour from the word go. I’m not expecting sympathy just encouragement for where I am now.

My first 10 years was that of being moved from one place to another for no real reason why.  Being beaten with canes and belt buckles for a majority of these years was my existence, so to escape this torment and disgrace I turned to what I thought was good, which began a time of addiction to solvents, which became an artificial kind of love that I had been searching for, as each time I was returned back home I was greeted with love and hugs till the police had left, then the brutal beatings would start. I began to enjoy these beating as they were an encouragement to find out why I wasn’t like other children of my age. When the last ever beating came and the last time I lived in that house I was returned by the police to no emotions, no love, no hugs and no beatings. Something far worse was to come, it was the year 1981, when they said you will never be loved, and you are not a part of this family, we don’t want you just like your real mother didn’t want you, they should have left you were they found you in that graveyard.

Ok I didn’t deserve this and wondered why they would be saying such a horrible things, but during my next few years I found out that it was true, my biological mother had just left me in a graveyard and I became a child of the care system at 6 months old.  When i found this out i knew that I was alone and had to fend for myself.

Moving on quickly my addiction was getting more advanced I started to take more heavy drugs than solvents, I started smoking weed, drinking black label whiskey and taking speed or amphetamine, I didn’t just do this till I got high, I did it to the point of blacking out. I really believed that I shouldn’t have been alive, so I started plotting how to commit suicide.  I know this isn’t the life of a 12 year old (obviously never did succeed lol).  The next thing was children’s home - physical and mental abuse became the normal part of existence for the next 2 years, when the sexual abuse started.  (Wow was there anything else that I would have to suffer?)  I tried to commit suicide time after time, until I cut myself to the point of death and ended up in hospital via a psychiatric hospital, with them wanting to know why I was doing this. When I told them I felt alone and needed someone just to love me, they just told me this was my head lying to me, and that everyone loves me.

When I was 17 I joined the forces and finally became part of a family.  I’m not going to bore you with my next 9 years,  but travelled around the world with my new family.  This was short lived, as after 9 years I was dishonourably discharged, due to violence to a superior officer.  Before discharge I spent my first year in Colchester army prison.  At the age of 19 I had married, at 21 I had three children, and divorced by the age of 27. I ended up getting divorced due to returning to active addiction,  starting where I began so many years ago. 

The acid scene began, that just made me more unloved, I lost my home so i was homeless and I had lost everyone around me: my wife had gone, my children had become confused.  And now returning to life outside of the army I felt demoralised and severely isolated, full of PTSD, I had no one to turn too, my drug life became even more heavy,  I was using speed, acid and ecstacy and really didn’t care about myself or anyone or anything around.  I met a girl during my low years who was a intravenous user, so you may see where my life was going,  I started to take the heavier drugs, but through the pin.  I didn’t care what was happening in the world.  

I found out that the my girlfriend was pregnant, and this really made me think my life was out of control but I did not do anything till the year of 2002, with my first visit to a rehab, a place called Yeldall Manor.  I thought that after 48 weeks in Yeldall it would give me all the tools to live life better in my addiction, however even though I completed the programme I never took anything away from the programme and relapsed within 1 month of leaving Yeldall.  So there began many more years in addiction, anger, failures and disappointments came up.  Then my youngest daughter was taken into care, as I can admit, I was never there, even when I was. Now while away working, something happened that was well out of my control, so I decided that this situation needed drastic action,  I was going to take the law into my own hands and ended up going to prison for the next 10 years for a serious crime section 18 with intent.  So by the time I was released I was very bitter, angry I had let my little girl down just as much as I had let my other children down.

I had become so distraught that my addiction had taken hold of me again, as it was the only thing that was comforting to me, the only thing that had never let me down. I was sleeping rough for many a year after release. I was smoking crack during the day, shoplifting to fund my habit and taking heroin to help me sleep during many a cold night.  In my final months before coming back to Reading I was in a hostel, I was still in the grip of addiction when somebody said to me you need help.  I didn’t believe I had a problem I believed that life had dealt me a bad hand and I was living it the best way I could, then one night a voice in my head, said its time to surrender, its time for you to get help, I got down on my knees and for the first time prayed to a God I never really knew (even though I was brought up round church as a youngster but that was forced by the family I was living with).  I asked Him or should I say screamed out at Him that I had really had enough that I was desperate for help.

The help finally came in 2022 when I re-applied to go back to Yeldall and I promised I would do everything that was asked of me just to be a normal person again.  This time I felt stronger, determined to succeed where for many years I failed.  Near to the end of my time at Yeldall I reached out to social services and prayed that I could make contact with my youngest.  I knew it was a long shot but God has many wonderous tricks up his sleeves, yes a reply came back when I had just a couple of months left.  I was full of gratitude and praise that this time when I prayed I handed my whole life over to him as it says that without works our faith is dead.  I started to go to church a place called Hillsong, Reading and in front of many of people declared it publicly that I could not do this on my own and surrendered my life to Him.  No I’m nowhere near perfect, but I’m certainly more mature and have never looked back.

Finally I met Jim and Heather at Hope House as I knew I was not ready to do this walk alone. I needed guidance, encouragement and to be shown that not all people in this world are terrible. I have now been here at Hope House for about 15 months.  I still walk strong with the Lord,  I still go to Hillsong every Sunday,  I am part of the production team there and they are just as bigger family than I have at Hope House,  without their support, guidance, strength and hope I really wouldn’t like to admit where I would be today.  And so praise God for His one and only son Jesus, for the peace and the new life I have been given

Thanks for reading.  There is always hope,  no matter what we go through or even how old we get, Jesus will never let us down or turn his face away.